The Mommy thread!

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Zombie Strawberries
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The Mommy thread!

Post by Zombie Strawberries » Fri May 15, 2009 1:52 am

I feel alone.
I knew absolutly nobody of my age having a baby. I only have male friends that aren't even in couple yet...
And then add the fact that I'm alternative-looking... scares new mom I meet. I went to class for babies with my little ladie and people just stop at what I look. Don't talk to me more then needed...
oh well...

I thought maybe some of you ladies wanted to talk mommy stuff, or pregnancy stuff. Because it's hard no matter how happy it makes you to see you little baby finaly giving you kisses back (she began that this week, so adorable)

go ahead, I know you have something to say!

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MrsEss
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by MrsEss » Fri May 15, 2009 8:18 am

there are certainly a few of us on here!!!

I know just how you feel, my sister in law has a baby, but that's about it when it comes to people i know with kids (or have at least some interest in the same things as them to consider ourselves "friends")
Er, my son will be 6 on may 21st & i'm due in december with another ^_^ i'm incredibly exited, but am trying to keep the pregnancy quiet until i've been for a scan (june 10th) so i know all is well.

i used to go to those baby class things & only ever spoke to the health visitor who was weighing Seth
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Jennilox
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by Jennilox » Fri May 15, 2009 8:35 am

i'm 18 and have a 1 year old :)

i don't tend to know many people becuase every time i go to one of those toddler groups i feel like a odd out of place child :S as everyone is much older than me (and a lot more normal ....small town)

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by ~Azaezl~ » Fri May 15, 2009 9:01 am

I can completely relate, I only ever took Kyoko to be weighed etc now and again because I found the whole situation awkward as everyone would always look at us like we were diseased or something.

When she got a little older I started taking her to playgroups and it was the same thing, the 'normal' mums would sit in a circle drinking coffee and gossiping and I'd be there on my own with Kyoko, in the 30 or so times I went 3 people spoke to me and that was just idle rubbish, like 'oh how old is she' 'I like her ringlets' etc.

Then she started pre-school and was very clingy to me so I had to stay for the lessons otherwise she'd just scream to come home, none of the other mums who stayed talked to me. The people who ran the pre-school did when they had the chance. I was so worried Kyoko was going to be a total social outcast because of us being alternative. Thankfully she's not, she's one of the most popular kids there, they all love her and because of how sweet and kind etc she is the other mums aren't as stand offish with me or my husband(although people are usually chatty to him anyway). I think they kind of expected us to be total freaks and nasty people but I guess Kyoko's personality / good behaviour shows what kind of people we are in a way(if that makes sense). We're having a birthday party for her and again I was worried nobody would want to go because it's one thing them letting their kids interact with Kyoko at school it's a whole other ball game going to her birthday party but again I've been pleasantly surprised and so far 16 of the children have agreed to go, 4 have said no but that's because they are going out that day(the party is on father's day).

I also have a friend(who I met via myspace) who's got a little boy who's a year younger then Kyoko and her and her finacee are alternative as well, they are the only friends I have and it's a great bonus that they have a kid too because they can play together. Plus things like days out can be more fun, like the party is a joint one for the two of them and we're all going to a theme park the following weekend as well. My husband has lots of friends but most haven't got kids and none of them are alternative so we don't really socialise with them as a family.

It's difficult making new friends, esp. with a child in tow, it's surprising how many people aren't child friendly if you know what I mean, like they want to hang out but find having a child around a drag. So then if you try to make friends with other mums 95% of them(well for me anyway) are 'normal' and look at you like your filth and don't mind if the kids play together but don't make any real effort to talk to you.

I won't change though, I'd rather be lonely and myself then dress in a way I don't like to be socially accepted by other mums, as long as my daughter has friends that's all that matters.
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by MrsEss » Fri May 15, 2009 9:46 am

~Azaezl~ wrote: I won't change though, I'd rather be lonely and myself then dress in a way I don't like to be socially accepted by other mums, as long as my daughter has friends that's all that matters.
I completely second this!
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by xalternmommyx » Fri May 15, 2009 10:41 am

i'm 20 and a mommy to three! (i have 1 step daughter and im due any day now with my #3)
my oldest munchkin is 2 almost 3, and my step daughter is 1.

i changed my look when i was pregnant well i wouldnt say completely changed but i toned it down alot and kept it that way for a while, i just kinda got back into it all again now that im a stay home mom and married i dont care much of what people think and i dont have any bosses telling me what colors my hair can be and what not. :)


your not alone hunny :D

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miss chaotic
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by miss chaotic » Fri May 15, 2009 12:35 pm

ah being alternative definitely has it's down side (for others) it just means that people don't get to know the truly wonderful person that i am, that's their loss! I am a mummy to a little two year old, most of my friends are kid less and are always going out (which really rules out a social life for me) but i don't mind because i enjoy his company more than people my own age.. He loves me no matter what.
I've tried play groups and mums groups but i really don't have much in common with the other mums.

I am lucky however that both of my sisters have kids around the same age so we all hang out together and have our own mums group.. Both of my sisters are alternative but are not as out there as i am so they blend in a little better than i do, it's hard to blend in with bright pink and black dreads.

all i can say is at least we all have a personality!!!!
sometimes i think there's no reason to get out of bed...then i feel wet and realise there is!!

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miss chaotic
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by miss chaotic » Fri May 15, 2009 12:56 pm

oh and congratulations DSM thats fantastic news :) i can't wait to give my son a brother or sister
sometimes i think there's no reason to get out of bed...then i feel wet and realise there is!!

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by ViolentDelights » Fri May 15, 2009 2:55 pm

I just wanted to say that I am here! I know how it is being a young alternative momma and the weird looks or mean words some like to say. I am 19 with an 8 month old and I now am pregnant with our second. On top of me being young and alternative looking, which as you know in normal society you get enough weird looks as it is, I am always an army wife so I get double the looks since apparently no one in the army has ever seen hot pink dreads haha.

Well I will stop babbling. Just thought I would let you know you are not alone haha.

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by miss chaotic » Fri May 15, 2009 3:05 pm

oh violentdelights your from a military family -my brother and father in law are in the military and my husband wants to join up for the navy.. its a lot to take on board i always get strange looks mostly from the in laws and synthetic hair is not something they cope with
sometimes i think there's no reason to get out of bed...then i feel wet and realise there is!!

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by ViolentDelights » Fri May 15, 2009 3:18 pm

miss chaotic wrote:oh violentdelights your from a military family -my brother and father in law are in the military and my husband wants to join up for the navy.. its a lot to take on board i always get strange looks mostly from the in laws and synthetic hair is not something they cope with

Yeah I hear you there. When I met my husband we was this little punk rocker, his parents didnt like it at all and thought that I didnt help since my hair was blue and teal dreads and I had multiple tattoos at 17 haha. But then after we had been married a bit and my mother passed on my husband suddenly choose to join the army. Well apparently his dad had been in the army for like 23 years so his parents were SO happy they son was choosing that path and glad he would be "normal" and I get so much gripe from them since I choose not to look like a typical army wife haha. Oh btw Im nikki :D

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by miss chaotic » Fri May 15, 2009 3:40 pm

ha ha my in laws are devastated that i convinced my husband to put orange in his hair, my mother in law tells me every time i see her that my hair is ugly lol! i'm donna by the way
sometimes i think there's no reason to get out of bed...then i feel wet and realise there is!!

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by ViolentDelights » Fri May 15, 2009 3:48 pm

miss chaotic wrote:ha ha my in laws are devastated that i convinced my husband to put orange in his hair, my mother in law tells me every time i see her that my hair is ugly lol! i'm donna by the way
haha yeah when my husband met me I ended up putting some wefted hair extentions in his hair and his mother nearly ripped me apart haha. Then when I bought him a pair of plugs she said I was destroying him. But the kicker that really made her hate me is that he got his first tattoo after we started dating haha.

Oh but the funniest things about my in laws is that when I got pregnant with our first son my mother in law actually, and I quote, said " You arent going to tattoo the baby are you?". I was like ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! I want to get like a handful of temporary tattoos and cover him in and take a picture just to scare her haha

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by Zombie Strawberries » Fri May 15, 2009 8:30 pm

Ahah! I took a photo and photoshoped it 2 months ago:
http://vulgarlouis.deviantart.com/art/I ... -116827264

Both side found it funny. :P

Hearing you girls make me feel better.
My bf comes from a really conservative family, yet they are really open (at least my bf's parent)
Instead of saying "I hate your hair" when I have dreads in, or an unatural dye, my father-in-law say "You are beautifull" when my hair are boring. :) They also bought black onesie to Mariann with a squeleton on it and stuff like that. They are cool. But they keep asking when are we getting married, they were disapointed when we said Mariann won't get baptised, etc.

I went to a pre-natal swim class and was all alone in the pool... so I stop going there.

And I had my cooper device taken out today. It was hurting me a lot.
So now I don't know what we'll do.... The apparent only we to control birth is abstinence and it's not the funniest thing. So maybe another baby coming? I wouldn't mind :D

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by SuprStrDrgQueen » Sat May 16, 2009 5:43 pm

Hey, Im 26 Mum of Katie who nearly 8.
Me and my parter Nade are trying for our next child but shes going to cary the next as I had a stillbirth 6 years ago and I dont think I could mentally deal with carrying again.
We've found our sperm donor :D after a nightmare with our last one which ended in me punching him :twisted:

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by dreadfullydivine » Sun May 17, 2009 1:52 pm

I'm 33 and mother to a little boy who will turn five on June 24th and I am due any day now with my second little one ( another boy ). I also have a hard time find anyone "alternative looking" with kids anywhere near my son's age. All of the other mommies I have met, either thru daycare or preschool, just don't have anything in common with. Thankfullly I have one friend who does have a little girl around the same age and we get along beautifully but I am always happy to make more "mommy" friends.
Raising the next generation of future warlords..

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by miss chaotic » Sun May 17, 2009 2:20 pm

Zombie Strawberries wrote:Ahah! I took a photo and photoshoped it 2 months ago:
http://vulgarlouis.deviantart.com/art/I ... -116827264

Both side found it funny. :P
thats the funniest thing i've seen in awhile i would so love to do that to a pic of my son.. My mother in law always asks when if going to dye my sons hair when i get bored dyeing my own
sometimes i think there's no reason to get out of bed...then i feel wet and realise there is!!

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by runningwithlola » Wed May 20, 2009 4:24 pm

Hey, I'm Rhiannon. :D

My little baby just turned 6 last week (the day this thread was started, actually)! And I have another 2 year old, so two boys.

And we live in a very hispanic neighborhood in Chicago and most of the moms are older, (I'm 30, for crying out loud, not 45!) but they won't talk to me; half of them won't even make eye contact. *sigh*

I'm actually at the library right now, looking for moms' groups. We homeschool, so my boys aren't making friends at "school" and it sucks. The first few weeks we moved here I went dreadless and resisted the impulse to shave my eyebrows off, but nobody talked to us then either, so I just said the hell with it and went back to my usual look. :lol:

Here's a pic of my (now) 6-year old, when he was about 5 months old:
Image

And, the two of them at christmas:
Image

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by TOXIKITTY » Thu May 21, 2009 8:03 pm

Hehe, crying on Santa's knee, classic! Very sweet.

I have a 2 and a half year old boy, Kaiden. Had similar problems with other mums to people on this thread.. also left feeling a bit alienated sometimes. Funny thing is, if you actually watch these people with their kids they're usually not particularly good parents.. they'll sit there chatting to each other about how wonderful and middle class they all are, making mums like us feel uncomfortable, whilst ignoring their own children. It's a bit of a charade I'm glad I'm not part of to be honest. They're kinda kidding themselves.

Had some bad experiences with random people shouting things at me about the way I dress/look while I'm out with him.. which really upsets me. A girl who could've been no older than 14 came up to me in the park once, told me I "had really bad taste in fashion". When I suggested she was in no position to comment she started swearing and shouting at me (right in front of my son who was 18 months at the time), I just had to pick him up and leave. There was only me, my son and the gang of yobs who were with her there and it was all a bit intimidating.

On a lighter note, I'm fairly sure my son loves having an alternative mummy. He loves pulling my tongue studs, poking his fingers through my flesh tunnels and looking at all the interesting zips on my clothes. He's so happy and loving (like, ridiculously).. I'd rather have that than acceptance from a bunch of strangers =)


Oh.. and runningwithlola, you look very good for your age! I would never ever have guessed you were even close to 30 :shock:
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by Rhaeniel » Fri May 22, 2009 9:39 am

Is this the right sort of place to ask for advice on babies? I hope so...
I'm having trouble with my little one at the moment - don't know what to do when he constantly wakes up during his daytime naps (he sleeps brilliantly at night - from a 9pm feed right through to 4am!) and I don't know whether to pick him up and rock him back to sleep (I've done nappy check, not too hot/cold, hasn't got wind, doesn't want to play, etc.. he just wants to be walked about until he falls asleep, as he cries when I stop moving) or whether I should be leaving him to settle himself. It happened just now - he went to sleep quite easily in his cot, but he just woke up (after about an hour of sleep) and started crying, but there was nothing wrong.. he just wanted to go back to sleep.
I walked about with him for a bit, but I'm terrified of getting him into the bad habit of using me to rock him to sleep all the time (plus my back is killing me - he's a heavy baby!) so I put him back in his cot with a dummy (which he promptly spat out and screamed) ..but it only took him a minute to find his thumb and now he's gone back to sleep.
So I guess what I'm asking is, do you think this is okay, or should I be doing something else? Thing is, he gets so furious if I pick him up and then put him back down again after rocking him for a short while - is this just because he's so used to being rocked to sleep (we had to do it constantly for the first two months cos he was so colicky) and now he wants it all the time, or is there something actually wrong? Or, should I just leave him to settle himself back to sleep?
I'm so worried he'll get used to no-one coming when he cries and won't bother crying when something really is wrong, but I'm also worried that he'll cry just to get me to walk him around. I'd love to be able to just hold him all day, but I'm not physically capable. Plus, I don't think it's a good habit for us to get into, as then he'll never be able to sleep unless someone's carrying him around.
It's all so confusing and I don't know what to do.
He's just started crying again.. :/
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by ~Azaezl~ » Fri May 22, 2009 10:16 am

Welcome to motherhood Rhae :D I used to (and still do a bit) worry I was always doing the wrong thing like you I'd think should I pick her up or leave her, should I do this or shouldn't I etc.

It sounds to me like Alex has gotten used to being rocked to sleep so is using it as a comforter, I'd leave him to settle himself, he will probably cry alot but it will be better for him in the long run to be able to settle himself to sleep without the aid of rocking. Also don't worry about him not crying at all, if he wants something he will cry.

I'm actually quite lucky because some of the people I met on the bounty website when I was pregnant set up a forum just for us june 05 mums and we all still post on their a bit, give each other advice etc, it's been really helpful, I don't have anything in common with them other then all of our kids were born the same month / year but it's nice having them there to ask advice, I know all of them are really really close but I've always felt like an outsider so don't have that bond with the group.

I got chatting to one of the mums from pre-school last week when we all went to the primary school for the afternoon so the kids could see the classrooms/meet the teachers etc and she is very 'normal' and she was saying how difficult it is making new friends, esp. those with kids, she moved to our area a few years ago from birmingham and hasn't made any friends around here and so she's worried about her little girl making friends. I think my husband and I made her day though when we invited her little girl to our daughter's party. So I guess it's not just an alternative mums thing, I think alot of mums have trouble making other mum friends, there are websites like bounty and also mumsnet.com but it's finding someone close enough to actually hang out with, you could make lots of online mum friends but it's not really that useful when it comes to going out places.
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by ~Azaezl~ » Fri May 22, 2009 10:29 am

Just had a look on that mumsnet.com as i haven't been on it in ages but maybe try looking for people in your local area, there's a meet a mum section where you can type in your postcode and stuff, might be worth signing up, I have the same name on there as I do here :D
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by Rhaeniel » Fri May 22, 2009 10:52 am

Thanks Az - I've just googled baby nap times and apparently an hour is about right.. it's pretty normal for a baby his age to have naps of about an hour, I'm just not sure what to do with him once he's had his hour, cos he's not in the mood to play and isn't hungry (altho he'll always feed if it's offered) he just wants to be walked around.. I guess I could try taking him out for a walk in the buggy, then he'll get the rocking movement he needs without breaking my back! Plus, then he can watch the world go by, as he's so alert and loves to watch things happening.. and I think our home is all just a bit boring for him now!

That's a good idea - I'll have a look on some forums to find local mums :)
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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by miss chaotic » Fri May 22, 2009 12:25 pm

Hey Rhae,
I had the same thing with my son to the point where he just stopped sleeping all together grrr not what a new mum needs, but he did spend a lot of time in hospital and got used to people just rocking him to sleep... i was told that babies of that age usually only sleep between 40mins to an hour because that is their sleep cycle or their REM cycle as they call it but they can be taught to sleep longer. We went to a sleep school where the parents are taught how to comfort their babies back to sleep without holding them. It took a lot of crying on his behalf and a lot of patience on mine to get him into a routine but it does work! Look up control crying if you think you really need it, there is a lot of controversy on the subject some people are for it some are not so i'll let you make up your mind on the subject!
sometimes i think there's no reason to get out of bed...then i feel wet and realise there is!!

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Re: The Mommy thread!

Post by Rhaeniel » Fri May 22, 2009 1:06 pm

From what I've read, controlled crying is for kids who have trouble staying asleep at night, isn't it?
I'm happy if he's getting the sleep he needs - I was just worried that he wasn't getting enough, but if an hour at a time is all he needs then I don't see any reason to try to make him nap longer in the day. After all, he's sleeping for about 6/7 solid hours at night already, so I'm just grateful for that! :)
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