The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Forum rules
The' GENERAL CHAT- silly posts' thread will be locked monthly. The old thread will remain for access for a month and then be deleted. This is to remove information from storage that is old. If you need information from the locked thread please retrieve it before it is deleted.

Please be inclusive of everyone- this is an area for all members to chat and feel part of the community.

1) No trolling or posting topics with the intention of causing upset.
2) No swearing.
3) No abusive or derogatory comments about any group of people based on their look, beliefs, morals, religion, sexual orientation, gender, race, ethnicity , profession or country will be tolerated.
4) Keep 'angst' style posts to a minimum.
5) Keep topics PG13 - we don't have to be all nice and sugary, but nothing too graphic please.
6) *If you are asking where to buy something or asking where to find an item please post in Want To Buy- not here. This may also apply if you are looking for product information that will lead to indirect promotion.

(Remember you need to abide by the 50 posts/30 day rule in Want To Buy)
Bomber
Posts: 2250
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 11:40 pm
Location: 1984
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Bomber » Mon Aug 16, 2010 6:51 pm

How do I get my mum's partner to stop feeding my cats from the table without sounding like a whiny pain in the arse? I've asked him to stop because they jump up when we're eating, try and take food off our plates and expect food or something the minute someone opens the fridge door. When I ask him not to he just laughs and tells me to stop over-reacting but I don't want spoilt, badly behaved cats :/

User avatar
Jennilox
Posts: 1385
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 9:52 am
Location: England
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Jennilox » Thu Sep 09, 2010 11:49 am

deleted
Last edited by Jennilox on Thu Sep 15, 2011 10:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tessie
Posts: 44
Joined: Sun Jan 03, 2010 3:21 pm

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Tessie » Sun Oct 03, 2010 3:59 pm

Ok, so I have problem with ordering from the internet. I'm from Slovenia and I'm trying to order some clothes from a British site. A coat, to be exact. And there is a sizig guide, but I don't really understand it. So, I'm something between size 38 and 40 in European sizes. Here's this coat and sizing is like S,M,L,XL... And in the sizing guide there are two ...er...spreadsheets? Is that the right word? And the first one is for "Women group sizes" and the second "Women singles sizes", and here you can look which size you should take. What is the difference between singles and group sizes?

User avatar
patricia*star
Posts: 1551
Joined: Wed Oct 01, 2008 9:10 am
Location: Guisborough
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by patricia*star » Thu Oct 07, 2010 2:41 pm

Hi, i have a problem, although as far as problems go its not a bad one but being a weirdo like me turns it into one.

Ive been looking for a job for almost a year and after months of knockbacks ive finally got a job doing what i have been doing on a casual basis for 8 years. I was so happy when i got it yesterday and i know the people who interviewed me and who i will be working with very well.

This morning a letter came, i applied for a trainee veterinary care assistant job with the PDSA a few weeks ago and they want me to go for a interview next week :shock:

Its more hours that the job ive just got but the money is much less. I would be training and my wages would go up after i qualified. Ive always wanted to work with animals and trainee jobs like this which are suitable for people who only have animal handling experience never ever come up in my area. Ive decided il go to the interview because ive go tnothing to lose but what if i get it?????
Ive already accepted a job and i would really be letting them down if i turned it down. It sounds ridiculous, being scared that i might get offered the job of my dreams but i hate letting people down and i dont know what i should do if i do get offered it


Any advice would be really good :D even tho i am clearly a doyle!
The show must go on. Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking but my smile still stays on.

User avatar
Freakonaleash
Posts: 404
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:40 pm
Location: essex
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Freakonaleash » Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:29 am

any advice on how to deal with being dumped after 4 and a half years would be great


*edit* thanks for the advice from a few of you it helped. The strange thing is im not feeling that upset about it, mainly because me and him spoke to clear the air. Our relationship has been heading to an end for ages now but neither of us were strong enough to end it, it was me texting him saying we need to talk about our future that got the ball rolling.
I feel so good right now, i feel like myself again and back to how i used to be before we met, i feel guilty for enjoying it though

User avatar
Goffy_lucc
Posts: 741
Joined: Tue Sep 02, 2008 9:47 pm
Location: Worcester, UK

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Goffy_lucc » Tue Nov 16, 2010 7:35 pm

-- Thankyou EVERYONE who replied to me and gave me a helpful word. I feel a lot better about the situation now <3
Last edited by Goffy_lucc on Mon Jan 30, 2012 11:27 am, edited 2 times in total.
~Louie <3
Facebook | Tumblr


Find funky hair and jewels at~
Etsy | Facebook

Bomber
Posts: 2250
Joined: Wed Jan 14, 2009 11:40 pm
Location: 1984
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Bomber » Sun Nov 21, 2010 12:50 pm

There isn't a fashion and style advice thread so I thought this might be better off here...

I need a bit of help accessorising this dress for my work xmas do, as I am appalling at it. I'm going to replace the belt because that one is ugly and cheap looking but yeah, I need shoes, jewellery and everything else. If anyone has any ideas then I am all ears :)

http://i51.tinypic.com/10yfnyp.jpg

http://i52.tinypic.com/149pl4p.jpg

User avatar
Xavialune
Posts: 427
Joined: Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:51 am

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Xavialune » Tue Nov 30, 2010 10:05 am

Here I am again asking for advice. I went back and read my previous post and really, it really did make me cry. So much has changed since then...

Many of you know I am dating someone that is a LOT older than me. I don't nrmally have a problem with that///recently though, after a lot of hardship and fighting for love we came out on top and I think things are going to be ok. That's when I started to change my views a little..

I've never really had much to do with children. I've always hated it when I'm in a store and some kid is screaming or something..I always told myself I would NEVER have kids, and I felt that way up until literally, maybe a week or two ago. I started to get what some people call maternity pangs. I thought perhaps it was because of a certain point in my monthly cycle, but it hasn't really gone away so I can't put it down to that.

At any rate, I told him if I ever did have a child, I'd want it to be his. We got talking about it, and it seems like its really something that could be on the table. I have two concerns though...material well being, and age. Material well being if only for the fact that I am massivly in debt due to student loans...that could possibly be worked around. The thing that concerns me the most though, is age.

I'm 24 and my boyfriend is 50. He's a little old for kids..but I think he might really want one. I don't really know, we've kind of been talking about it and it seems like its something we both would consider down the road a little..but I'm reluctant not only because of the money issue, but because I just don't know how long hes going to be around. I really don't want to raise a child on my own. Thinking about it is really confusing and I guess what I'm just asking for are some opinions..is it something I should consider taking the risk?

I know neither of us, individually or as a couple, are at that point where we could even begin to decide to do something like this..but I can't help but try to ponder it and maybe get that much closer to a point where we can really open that dialogue. I just want to make sure I'm not seeing it as a romantic, idealistic concept.

Man, I don't know. I'm pretty confused..PM's welcome!
I <3 The Chameleons

User avatar
Moody108
Posts: 1020
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 8:26 am
Location: Manchester UK

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Moody108 » Wed Dec 01, 2010 6:05 pm

I think I already know the answer to this but...
update; thankyou so much to everyone that offered their advice, it helped to hear an outsider's point of view! I've been signed off sick for the next couple of weeks so i'm going to think it over in that time. i've also been offered my old job back :)

Dilemma, I hate my job, like i have nightmares about being there and have broken down crying on more than a few occasions. they work us so hard that it makes us ill, i have just done 4 shifts in a row of startin at 8am and finishing at 1am then 4 other 8 hours shifts immediately after. 90 hours over 8 consecutive days, they don't take me seriously because (i think) i'm the only female chef, i'm fairly new, and i work the deli/antipasti section which isn't much cooking so "i'm not a proper chef" according to a lot of them. also, some of the other chefs are so horrible to me. what i'm saying is the job is hard, the hours are torture and some of the people are awful BUT the wage is good and my family are really proud of me. I want to leave but i don't want to disappoint them.

I have asked for not as many hours, to no avail.. I told them i was ill the other day and was told to "man up" and everyone else is tired too.
quality of life vs paycheck is what im puzzling over.

i work for a well known tv chef. PMs welcome
Never trust someone who's gonna live forever, they don't have enough to lose
Formerly known as kikky_lou

User avatar
iamtheparty
Posts: 1232
Joined: Sat Aug 23, 2008 4:40 pm
Location: West Midlands, UK
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by iamtheparty » Wed Dec 08, 2010 12:04 pm

Okay, I'm asking for advice for my mum really, but she doesn't know it.

My older brother is autistic. He's 25 and whilst I think he's relatively high-functioning he suffers with terrible OCD and anxiety. My mum is his carer whilst my Dad goes out to work. We've never really had enough money from the one income but we've always gotten by. But my mum has confessed to me recently that she's just so incredibly bored. Most people regain some freedom after their children become adults but obviously my brother still requires her care to a much larger degree than most 25 year olds. She wants to go back out to work but she doesn't feel she can leave my brother alone for any significant length of time. She's thought about respite care but she doesn't want to put my brother into an unfamiliar place and I think she feels like it would be admitting some kind of failure. I'm at uni and working full time so I have no time at home to stay with him, and my Dad works full time, into the evenings most days.

Basically I was wondering if there's anyone on here facing similar obstacles. I really want my mum to get some of her own life back. I do think to some degree that it would be good for my brother to have some independence from my mum too, to not have somebody there all the time to bounce his insecurities and anxieties off. Like maybe if he was left alone he'd rise to the challenge? But I'm not sure it would work that way with an autistic person?

Are there any carers on here that also manage to work? Is there anyone that works from home, and how is that working out for you?
Birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirstay.....

http://www.facebook.com/forgottennegatives

User avatar
Mkatsi
Posts: 1246
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:00 pm
Location: Cardiff
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Mkatsi » Wed Jan 12, 2011 8:12 pm

Hey girls.
I hate to whine, but as many of you following me on tumblr or friends on facebook will know, thats pretty much all I do these days.
I need some help, I know that much.

Basically I moved to Cardiff with my boyfriend in the beginning of October, and its all been downhill since then. I spent a month looking for a job and was over the moon when I got one at Greggs. Since then Ive started to fear going into work, irrationally hate it, break into tears after speaking to them on the phone when they ask me to work extra hours.
I live in a house-share with my boy, and 6 Spanish people, until today, my good friend, however she is moving out and back to Aberyswyth. I had to find this out via her facebook status. I knew she might move out, but it stung all the same. The other housemates are nice enough, but we're not friendly, we all just co-exist really.

The house is pretty crap. Everything that could go wrong with it has.

I have no space to myself at all for the first time ever and this is really getting to me, as is living in the city. A walk in the park made me feel better the other day, but today Im worse than ever.

I basically have two or three good days, and the next I will cry for a whole day, I cant stop myself. Today I've been crying since two pretty much, its eight now.

I realised today that I will probably never live at home again, and honestly, all i want to do at the moment is move back there and hide away from the world, I really dont feel ready to be doing all this. To have a job and a house and bills and a partner.

My relationship is better than ever, but I feel awful for making him worry because Im so upset so often, and he knows the reason is that I dont want to live here. What makes it worse is that even though he just lost his christmas job, he's happy here, he's making friends. I pretty much have no one.
I put strain on my mum too because she's the only one I feel I can talk to properly.

I feel like Im completely going through the motions but its killing me. I cant eat when Im upset, I get terrible headaches and feel sick alot. I've started to have panic attacks again, which I havnt had in almost ten years.

I feel absolutely pathetic, because really, when it gets down to it, I know its only temporary, and its not all that bad. Its been only three months and we're here for a reason, the good theatre links. (though these actually seem impossible to find).
I know I have a job and a house and a great guy and thats what some people wish for. I know that I only work like 30 hours a week at most, and thats really not much. I know my family are there for me no matter what. I cant shake this feeling though, I cant stop crying and worrying myself into the ground.
I ruin the times I have off.

I also feel so obligated to stay and stick it out because my boyfriend is from Ireland and he moved here pretty much for me. He cant afford the room on his own, especially now he's lost his job, and he's really bad at saving money. I cant just up sticks and move back home for a month and sort myself out because
a) I know thats running away and all I'd want to do is stay there
b) I cant do that to Adam
c) I'd have to quit my job, and though I really dont like it, its money, and hey, its the first 'proper' job I've had, I need the expereince and reference.

I'm already looking for different work and have an interview with a hair salon for apprenticeship position, but its a fair bit out of town, and I've already been turned down for the same position elsewhere since I've no hands on experience.

I cant help but think negatively now, and quite frankly, I know I'm being a child.

I dont want to work or deal with life, I want to go back to college and live with my mum.

I was just wondering if anyone had advice other than "ride it out" or "buck up" because I know, trust me, I know all too well that those are the real options here, but I really need, in the meantime to start making myself better.

User avatar
RxQueen
Posts: 51
Joined: Wed Aug 27, 2008 2:50 pm
Location: Ontario, Canada

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by RxQueen » Wed Feb 02, 2011 2:52 pm

problem solved, post deleted. thank you!
Last edited by RxQueen on Mon Mar 19, 2012 8:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Lorny
Posts: 2944
Joined: Thu Aug 21, 2008 9:33 am
Location: Bedford, UK
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Lorny » Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:33 pm

Can anyone here with any experience with trying to groom very very unwilling dogs please PM me? I'm at my wits end cuz my dog doesn't let me groom him, and his nails are soooo long and his hair gets matted. I take care of him in every other area but this is getting too much it's causing him pain with his frontey sidey claws.

I've tried muzzles and wrapping him in a towel but he just isn't having any of it. I used to get him sent to a groomer but they never did his nails. I just need to get a hang of this. :(

Oh yeah, I suppose I better add that he's a yorkie.

User avatar
[Phexxie]
Posts: 1344
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:58 pm
Location: Liverpool, UK

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by [Phexxie] » Thu Apr 07, 2011 12:50 pm

ok, i nealry posted this as a reply in another thread, but decided it was a little inappropriate and im putting it here instead

this is mostly to do with my current job and emotions, basically im really not having a good time right now

i was on jobseekers for ages before i got a job, which i lost because i 'wasnt enjoying it', their words, not mine
i will admit, i may have been a bit off because i lost my gran after a long battle with cancer and it hit me hard, they were aware of this
no one even bothered to ask me if there were any problems or how i was coping, i was pushed around by co-workers and constantly told to do one thing by one manager, then another by someone else only to be shouted art because the first task had been put to the side, i didnt know who to listen to half the time
i was also expected to run the department completey on my own which meant dealing with deliveries, merchandising new stock, serving customers, tidying the department AND alphabetising the entire stock room all at the same time
not really a one person job

i got a new job shortly after, better pay and full time, but the place is making me so miserable
there is no set rota, which i know is pretty standard, but often the rota for the next week wont be completed until the friday evening, meaning you cant make any plans
only recently have they started doing a months advance rota after we all complained

i often work 12 hour days and split shifts, and sometimes this will be for four or five days on the run
i also work half days, but more often than not its an evening shift so i cant get much done in the daytime anyway
i cant remember the last time i had a weekend off that i didnt specifically book off
i had to quit everything i loved doing including pole dance lessons, freelance illustration, dread making, dress making, local band promotion, modeling (more or less)
i cant even see my boyfriend anymore, once a moth for a night if we are lucky, and it has almost caused us to break up more times than i care to remember
i dont see my friends and i barely see my family, who i live with!

they are funny about allowing specific days off every week, i had a nightmare when i was having driving lessons on a friday morning because they kept 'forgetting' and putting me in anyway

people always tell me i can do things on my one or two days off, but due to the hours i work im often so tired that i dont even get out of bed until 12pm and im really not in the mood to do anything
i quit dread making because it was just unfair to have to tell people that i was constantly having to delay their dreads because i had something more important to do or work were calling me in on days off because someone called in sick

i had to give up so much that it has actually made me severely depressed, i have been ill and developed mild IBS out of nowhere
i have constant headaches, im always tired and irritable
im making mistakes now, more and more often even though i know what im doing, and all im being told is to 'get my act together' but i dont even know how im making these mistakes, its like no one is willing to try and help me

when i was off sick, none of the believed me until my mum took a doctors note in for me
people have also bitched about me to managers when i have done nothing wrong
i moved to a different department after my line manager (who has temporarily moved to another location) constantly made me feel like i was stupid, lazy and worthless, i actually felt bullied but she was known for her ways and apparently she is like that with everyone... not that it made me feel any better

i almost walked out a few days ago, and when i got home i just broke down
but my mum just sat there and had a go at me, no trying to help or understand what was happening in my head, just telling me i 'cant keep quitting every job i get' - i have never quit a job unless ive had to because i moved house or something
then she said i cant because she cant afford to keep me (i pay her £160 a month in rent) which made me feel just wonderful

i keep getting told at least i have a job and i should be grateful and suck it up, but no one actually sees or understands how i feel because im very good at hiding my feelings and frankly i dont want to tell anyone if thats the only response im going to get

in short, my job sucks and has basically ruined my life, no joke

ive considered asking them if i can cut my hours, but that means taking a massive paycut and i have so many debts i need to pay as well as rent to my mum and general expenses that it just doesnt seem sensible

i dont know what to do, or how to make people understand that there really is something wrong and im not just being a silly little diva who doesnt want to work
ive tried finding other jobs but there just isnt anything out there, or if i apply i hear nothing back which doesnt help because its just making me feel worse
i scared im going to be stuck in this hell hole forever unless i leave, but then i will be financially ruined

sorry for the massive post... i appear to have gone off on one a bit there...

angeleyes90
Posts: 68
Joined: Fri Nov 19, 2010 9:09 pm

boyfriend's council flat need help to make sure

Post by angeleyes90 » Wed May 11, 2011 7:42 pm

ok so my boyfriend just got a flat as you know and i seemed confused about it as my boyfriend said that he's not a secure tenent he's only an introductary one and i can't stay over for a least a year, my parents say that's a lie cos as long as the rent paid i can stay 2 - 3 nights a week but i'm so confused waiting a year is a bit to much.

help

User avatar
poxabomination
Posts: 1123
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:45 pm
Location: New Hampshire, USA

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by poxabomination » Thu May 12, 2011 2:18 pm

Alright, help me out here. In short, I need a job. I constantly whine and moan about how I'm broke. I know this. I've applied to multiple places, called back a thousand times, and got no response. My friend said the discount store she's working at is hiring- not the funnest job, but way less stressful than the last one. It will pay about $7.50 an hour, not good pay at all, considering I could make $8.50 starting if I worked literally 100 feet away in the next state over. She said they're "not good with raises." This is all something I could deal with, HOWEVER, there is a certain person who works there as well that I do not ever wish to see again. Someone that hurt me a lot personally. I feel that it would be extremely difficult, if not impossible to work with this person, and I could be required to. My boyfriend, who has a very low paying job right now and is paying for all our animals, my gas, etc, doesn't even think its a good idea for me to work there, even if it meant we'd have a lot more money. Obviously whatever I chose he would support, but thats just his two cents.
So basically.. what would you do? Would you keep looking? Would you suck it up and go with it, at least until you found a different job? I know you'll have to work with people you don't care for in the real world, but this is beyond just disliking someone because they're annoying or have bad manners, this is a very personal thing that caused me a lot of pain and a lot of anger and a lot of problems. I'm utterly confused.
"Distant beavers sound the alarm"

"Its not stylish if you look witty."

User avatar
zaea
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 12:06 am

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by zaea » Fri May 13, 2011 9:19 pm

I need to know if there are any more options if Paypal doesn't find in my favor. I would think it's impossible, but in a separate case, Paypal actually believed the BS another seller spit at them when she straight up sent me half of what I ordered and nothing else and then got belligerent and blocked me when I asked where the rest of it was.

viewtopic.php?f=109&t=15784

Basically, I ordered some makeup, wasn't told it was used. When I got it, I discovered a lot of it was used. Seller doesn't want to give me my money back and is being rude. I started a claim and am hoping Paypal allows me to send it back and will give me a refund.

User avatar
poxabomination
Posts: 1123
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:45 pm
Location: New Hampshire, USA

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by poxabomination » Tue May 24, 2011 2:26 pm

I'm wondering if anyone can give me an opinion on a potential situation I have. You see, my neighbors across the street have a cat. This would be of no consequence to me, except that its constantly on our property. The same thing happened with their last cat, and it was because the kids treated it awfully; it would essentially hide from them over here. I'm assuming its the same with this one, but they have grown up a bit so I'm not sure. Anyway, it doesn't bother me that much because cats will be cats and you can't really keep them in your own yard easily, which I understand. But, I have a robin nesting on my front porch, and if she decided to have babies I don't want to come out and find another massacre. I say another, because last time we had baby birds near our house, their LAST cat killed them all and left them strewn throughout the garden. Picking up baby beaks and toes was not enjoyable.
Do you think it would be innappropriate, next time I see the cat here, to give them a visit and ask, politely, if they could try and keep the cat contained, just during the time they're leaving the nest? He definitely can't reach them as long as they stay up there, but once they leave for the first time (that awkward phase where they're stuck on the ground and can only fly short distances) they're basically dead. It would only be for a week or so tops.
I would feel weird asking them, but it IS our property. We have birdfeeders and everything out because we want to see birds, not have them killed off. :?
And I know there are natural predators that eat baby birds, but at least if they were eaten by a hawk or fishercat they would be.. used, I guess you could say. Instead of just killed for fun and left in pieces all over my front porch </3
So, whatchu guys think?
"Distant beavers sound the alarm"

"Its not stylish if you look witty."

User avatar
Opiate
Posts: 313
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:45 am
Location: Syyyydneyyyy, Aus :D
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Opiate » Sun Jun 05, 2011 10:36 pm

.
Last edited by Opiate on Tue Jun 14, 2011 5:45 am, edited 1 time in total.
JessFACE
prying.open.my.third.eye
facebook.com/OpiateDreads-Custom Dreads and Cyberlox<3

User avatar
Freakonaleash
Posts: 404
Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2008 2:40 pm
Location: essex
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Freakonaleash » Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:08 am

Advice needed from ladies that have been to Italy.

In august I am going away to Italy for 2 weeks, La Spezia to be exact. I have read up on all sorts of what to wear advice but would like personal experiences.
I plan to take things like shorts,3/4 length cargo pants, strapless tops,tank tops,dresses.I have a bikini for the beach and a swimsuit which will most likely be paired up with shorts of board shorts because I consider myself a big girl.
I have heard things about covering up in the main areas and religious areas so I have purchased some kaftans.
My main concerns are can I wear shorts in the main districts without being looked down upon and have my arms and shoulders on show. And also at restaurants should I keep covered?
I am also tattooed, the main ones that will be on view are the large ones including my right arm, on my back and on my leg, I have no idea how the Italians view tattoos on women so it is a concern at the moment.

User avatar
MissChelsea
Posts: 180
Joined: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:26 am
Location: South Wales

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by MissChelsea » Wed Jul 13, 2011 11:38 pm

I've recently qualified as a make up artist and around 6 weeks ago I worked with 2 fashion design students for their final collection photoshoots. I was at the shoot from 9am until midnight and had 8 models to do - each with a few different looks. I lost a days wages but had a blast. I loved every second!
Because I don't have much experience I didn't charge them, but asked only for copies of the photos in return as I'm trying to build up a portfolio. I still haven't got any photos back from them. I've emailed both the students at least 4 times and heard nothing.I did another photoshoot the day after the one in question, and recieved photos back within a week!
I don't have the photographers contact details (she was a friend of theirs, studying photography at the university) but I know her name.
Do you think I'm within my rights to contact them via Facebook if I can find them on there? It's so frustrating! I've lost out on wages, and the products I used, which were from my own personal collection (besides the 5 different foundations & concealers that I bought especially for the occasion). Should I just forget about it, or pester them for the photographs that they agreed to?

User avatar
zaea
Posts: 184
Joined: Thu May 05, 2011 12:06 am

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by zaea » Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:29 pm

I am in-between a rock and a hard place.

I love my fiance dearly but I can't tolerate his crap anymore.
He's come from an abusive upbringing and a lot of his issues stem from that. I lived with the family and witnessed a lot of the crap first-hand and how they treated him.
He has little or no control of his emotional reactions to things and chooses to take it out on me instead of take a breath and use his brain.
He also lies to get out of being 'in trouble' for doing stupid things like leaving cups full of drink on the floor for people to trip over or kick. "I forgot" is his favorite excuse, and he seems to think "I forgot" earns him a free pass no matter what he "forgot" to do.
He assumes things are a certain way and then runs with them, to the point of having an attitude and generally treating someone like crap because he assumed they meant something they didn't or acted in a way on purpose instead of just being read wrong. No one dares tell him he's wrong, though, or he'll throw a tantrum or sulk like a child.
I cannot be on the computer without him reading over my shoulder and questioning me about who I am talking to/what I'm reading. This is a MAJOR pet peeve of mine and I've expressed it to him so many times I can't count. He always says he'll try harder not to do it. He always does it and then makes up an excuse. "I'm trying" "It's too hard" "Why do you care anyway?"
I get guilt tripped when I attempt to visit my friends. Even if I just tell him I was invited somewhere, I get guilt tripped about it.
If I express my annoyance at him over any of these things, I get insulted and attacked, even laughed at, and made to feel like my concerns aren't valid. Instead of him listening to my issues, he is busy trying to think up his next retort. "Well YOU did this and I didn't like it so it's okay"
I get attacked and guilt tripped for things that he doesn't say he wants but expects me to know. We were visiting friends of ours and he apparently didn't want to stay past 8pm, but never said anything. I got a guilt trip and then an earful about it when we were in the car and I had the nerve to say "You didn't say anything to me about it, so don't you dare try to make me feel bad about it."
Sometimes he says it's OK to do something when he really doesn't want to, and then makes me miserable about it because I took him saying OK as he meant OK.

I've insisted that he go to therapy but he's made every excuse possible not to go. It's taken over 3 weeks of me bothering him incessantly to call them, and I finally told him either he calls the therapist RIGHT NOW, or he packs his belongings RIGHT NOW. It still took him 10 minutes to call.
He even had the nerve to say I was being unreasonable to say he call the therapist or move out.

Today he got a call back saying the company no longer provides free therapy to their employees because they can't afford it. He has insurance, so it shouldn't be a big deal anyway, just a copay. I sent him a message back saying it's a good thing he has insurance then, and haven't heard a reply since. I'm willing to bet money that he's just sulking.

It's gotten to the point that I don't even believe him, and I think he's just trying to get out of it. He's not as smart as he thinks he is, and I've caught him in lies like this before. If he has an excuses for not doing everything, I shouldn't be mad at him, he thinks. The problem is all of his excuses are bullshit and transparent.
Eventually I am thinking we will just get to the point where he says 'this is too hard' and just quits, just like he does with everything else. I have to threaten to kick him out so he'll keep his job.

Even for all of his problems, I love this man. Even when he acts like a child. He did NOT used to behave like this. I have no idea what is wrong with him.
He NEEDS therapy or I will not stay with him, I know that. I've allowed myself to be walked on enough already.
I understand that he will have to want to change on his own to fully change his behavior and I can't force him to change.

Just...what do I do? Currently we live with my mom because he used to live in California and I had enough with the way his parents were treating him so we moved back together. He has nowhere else to go.
I want to move out but I can't trust him to act like a normal person and not a temperamental psychopath child.
He always says he'll change but he never does. It's always 'too hard.' But that doesn't stop him from guilt tripping me for being sick of his bullshit and not wanting him around.

I can't afford to move closer to my work by myself. I hate living with my mom. Even if I got a raise I can't really just take off and leave him at my mom's for her to deal with. I'm really afraid that he'll do something stupid like try to kill himself if I leave, but he won't accept help.

I'm going to be miserable if I have to stay at my mom's and I'm going to be miserable if I move out with him and it turns out that his promise to change was another lie.

Edit:
I forgot to add, I was doing quite well as a model before I met him and stupidly decided that I'd quit my modeling I was doing (Fine art nudes for renaissance style paintings, tattoos and piercings and all. They were so cool.) because he was uncomfortable with it. He doesn't like the big tattoos that I have and has made it known he doesn't find them or lots of piercings attractive, and doesn't want me to get more. I've already told him that it's my body and I'll do what I want with it, and if he finds me so unattractive he's free to break it off and find a girl that's more to his liking. He throws a temper tantrum when I say things like that.
I've done everything I can to earn his trust and make him feel comfortable with me, but it seems he just wants to control me and nothing ever seems to be accomplished with the trust issues. I don't owe him anything. He seems to think I do or at least acts like it. He never takes my word for anything, he has to waste time and investigate it himself, wasting lots of time and aggravating me even more.


I was also pretty much banned from seeing one of my few friends I wanted anything to do with after High School. We hung out at school almost every single day and had most of our classes together and both shared a very strange sense of humor. She has since married, moved to Georgia and has a cute baby girl. I haven't seen her in 5 years. She was in town last week and the only day I'd be able to hang out with her was on the weekend, but he threw a fit over it and guilt tripped me because my mom happened to mention she didn't like her and thought she was a druggie. My mom has severe memory problems and wasn't even thinking about the same girl. He knows she has memory problems. She can't even get my name right most of the time. But this little bit of information was enough for him to guilt trip me into oblivion because how dare I want to see one of my friends and not stay home while he's at work all day.


Edit: Spoke to my mom about some of the problems I was having with him and she had the nerve to say she wasn't going to kick him out if I broke up with him. So I'd be stuck sharing a room with him anyway.
Sometimes I really do hate my mother, and this is why I don't want to live with her. She has never taken my side with anything, regardless of how badly I had been treated. Now I can't even get away from it.
Considering this recent development, I get to sit here and cross my fingers and hope for a raise so I can escape from these idiots.







Edit: A year ago I got my head out of my ass and kicked this loser to the curb. He stalked/harassed me for a long time but I think he's come off it. At least we can hope.
Last edited by zaea on Wed Feb 13, 2013 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Synful-Synthetics
Posts: 445
Joined: Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:57 am
Location: Kelowna, BC Canada
Contact:

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by Synful-Synthetics » Sat Aug 27, 2011 9:51 pm

.
Last edited by Synful-Synthetics on Mon Sep 05, 2011 8:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
poxabomination
Posts: 1123
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 10:45 pm
Location: New Hampshire, USA

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by poxabomination » Mon Sep 05, 2011 2:42 pm

This is gonna be quite a long one as it needs a bit of a backup story, so bear with me.

About 8 months ago I became friends with a male coworker we'll call Jim. My boyfriend became slightly threatened by this, especially because we both found out that Jim"liked" me. Fair enough. All he asked is that I didn't hang out with him alone because it made him uncomfortable. He had no problems with any other of my guy friends but said he just didn't trust him. Again, fair enough. (Now, him and that coworker are all buddy buddy, go figure.)

Skip to the past month. My boyfriend has become friends with a female coworker we'll call Alice. He talks about her every single day, texts her, and sends her facebook messages. I wasn't worried about this at first because I trust him.. until he said something along the lines of "I've been thinking, I think its ok if you hang out with Jim, I mean I can hang out with Alice then." I feel kind of angry about this.. NOW its ok for me to hang out with someone you previously felt threatened by, just because you want it to be ok that you hang out with her? That doesn't sit well with me. Not to mention I've been feeling like he's becoming distant and he's even said "I think we need to spend more time apart."

Now, he's leaving to go hang out with her and a friend of his that hates me. I feel like I have no choice and that I'll be that horrible controlling nagging girlfriend if I tell him it makes me uncomfortable.

Am I crazy?
"Distant beavers sound the alarm"

"Its not stylish if you look witty."

User avatar
beccah
Posts: 251
Joined: Tue Sep 09, 2008 6:01 pm

Re: The ADVICE thread (rules in first post)

Post by beccah » Sat Sep 24, 2011 11:49 am

Not a regular poster here but that's great now as I need some impartial advice if a few of you ladies could help.Its not lifethreatening but i'm still confused :(

I am currently a student in Manchester,and have been commuting to my hometown,an hours train ride away for my job at Maccys as a Crew Trainer. I don't particularly like it but my pay is very very good,I know what I'm doing and I've just been offered a promotion to Shift Manager (£8.20 p/h). I'd go 16 hours for 35 weeks of the year and 45 for the rest because of uni holidays,and would stay w/ my parents then.

However,I got a new job at Wetherspoons in Manc just to try it out and I REALLY like it. Its more free with hair colour and piercings,more jovial staff,I don't get paid anywhere near the same,but I don't have to commute as far,and can come home to my boyfriend every night. I'd just get 20/25 hours all the time,as there arent enough hours to go full time at any point,and I don't think there are the same promotion prospects as Maccys,which will mean the job isn't useful as a stopgap after uni,which Maccys would be.It also means I wouldnt be able to achieve my dream of graduating debt free: I have enough money left over from maccys to be able to not have a loan,and to pay my tuition fees straight off.

I have to decide by Monday which one. Given the pros an cons,what do you think?

Post Reply

Return to “Noise - General Chatter”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests